Much to my chagrin, unfortunately, I have to inform you that there is no self-fabricated, one-sided beef with an Instagram account squared away in this week’s blog column. A follow-up email has not yet been formulated. Speaking of last week, a quip about the Queen may have been made too soon…
…however, this is NOT a redaction…
…apologies to the English who took offense and more importantly the people who watched The Crown on Netflix and now feel they have a connection with the royals. That said, any chance I get to reference the Peaky Blinders, I’m taking it. This was apropos.
Let’s talk some football….
NFL Week 2 Picks
Warped Logic: Week 2
Free insight into the sick and twisted mind of an overtly biased fan of football. Some may even go as far as to call this a case study. (Yes, this could be named “Football Forecast” or something but it doesn’t carry the same juice and I don’t see Warped Logic trademarked anywhere.)
Thursday Night
Kansas City Chiefs @ Los Angeles Chargers | 27-24 KC
Prediction: 34-33 LA (+4LA & Over 54 )
1 outta 2 on a Thursday nighter, you have to take it in this day and age. Charger’s gunslinger, Justin Herbert showed some grit, gutting through what looked like broken ribs, but it wasn’t enough to overcome his 4th quarter 99-yard pick-6. Mahomes and the Chiefs just played a very clean game of football against the uber-talented C-list LA football team. This should probably be remembered as the Derwin James-Travis Kelce game though.
Next Thursday have me down for the Browns 24-17 over the Steelers.
1 PM Sunday Slate
New England Patriots @ Pittsburgh Steelers
How does this QB-Head Coach matchup not produce a rock fight? After all these years of some memorable Brady vs Big Ben battles, both these cities are due for some downtime. I have to give the Steelers the edge here after Mike Tomlin gifted the whole team black Air Force Ones (a sneaker commonly worn by people who simply don’t fear anything) after a great hard-nosed victory in Cincinnati.
Prediction: 15-13 PITT (+1.5 Steelers & Under 41.5)
Miami Dolphins @ Baltimore Ravens
If you’re playing fantasy football (which I’m assuming most of you reading up until this point are), Isaiah Likely should be a name to keep in mind at Tight End. I know his stats after Week 1 (0 catches on 4 targets) make this sound ridiculous but his underlying #s could make him a Scott Hatteberg candidate. The #2 “TE” for the Ravens lined up 79% out of the slot or out-wide (in WR spots), Baltimore love using 2 TE packages, and he saw the same amount of targets/routes run as Devin Duvernay (someone receiving much more waiver wire buzz). I’m not necessarily saying to rush to pick him up now, but if anything were to happen to Mark Andrews, Likely would likely end up a Top 5 fantasy TE. Even with a healthy Andrews, he has Top 10 potential on this Baltimore offense. Enough fantasy football talk about my backup TE. I like the Phins here because are we sure the Ravens are that good? Or is it that Joe Flacco would rather be just about anywhere other rather than a football field on a Sunday at this point in his life?
Prediction: 21-17 MIA (+4.5 MIA & Under 45.5)
Washington Commanders @ Detroit Lions
Goodell really was in his bag this offseason crafting up the schedule. Did he really think he could get back-to-back weeks of the #1 and #2 picks in their respective drafts going head-to-head without someone noticing?? A week after Winston beat Mariota, we have Jared Goff hosting Carson Wentz. I’m thinking the #1 pick edges out #2 once again. Very sneaky of you Roger, well played. I guess this is why he gets paid $65 million per year.
Prediction: 24-20 DET (-2 DET & Under 46.5)
Indianapolis Colts @ Jacksonville Jaguars
Was truthfully trying to hold out hope on Trevor Lawrence. It can’t be easy to walk into a franchise with “You’re the Messiah” expectations and have your rookie year be wasted by Urban Meyer. Valid excuses, but his Week 1 didn’t inspire much confidence. He missed some wide-open guys for TDs, threw an ugly interception, and couldn’t even motivate some to make a sandwich. The Colts on the other hand have found Jacksonville to be horrifying. Since 2015, Indy has gone 0-7 in the Sunshine state (being lapped in total points 208-104). Throw those numbers out the window though, the Colts were eliminated by the Jags in Week 18 last year. Have to think this one means more to Indy.
Prediction: 21-16 IND (-4 IND & Under 45.5)
New York Jets @ Cleveland Browns
I’m not spending all this time writing all these up just to predict my favorite team to lose. However, depending on how this Sunday goes, I’m not ruling out saying the Jets lose 56-0 in Week 3. For reverse-jinx purposes. Run the ball 50 times between Carter and Hall, do your best to stop Cleveland’s ground game, and make Jacoby Brisset beat you (if he does, tip your cap). If Flacco throws over 30 times this game I might throw up.
Prediction: 16-13 NYJ (+6.5 NYJ & Under 42)
Carolina Panthers @ New York Giants
Giants are confident that the #5 overall pick this year, Kayvon Thibodeaux will make his debut. It’ll be hard for the pass rusher to top Brian Daboll’s debut as coach. Which is why I’m zagging on the home favorites here. Banking that there is a better chance of some postgame NYC media mayhem about Kadarius Toney’s lack of playing time rather than the NY Post anointing Daboll as the next Parcells.
Prediction: 19-14 CAR (+2.5 CAR & Under 42.5)
Buccaneers @ Saints
Tom Brady as a Buc in the regular season is 0-4 against the Saints and 25-5 against everybody else. Brady clearly can’t catch a break. He’s due.
Prediction: 24-21 TB (+2.5 TB & Over 44)
4 PM Sunday Slate
Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers
Last week beating Russell Wilson was Seattle’s Super Bowl. It was an unexpectedly good Monday Night Football finish that’ll be remembered for almost killing Peyton Manning on live TV. Happy for Geno Smith, this wasn’t his first nice MNF performance, but it’ll be his last one. After this weekend, Seahawk fans will go back to watching Bryce Young highlights and everybody will be intrigued about one of the 49ers’ rookie running backs who outshine Jeff Wilson Jr in a backup role.
Prediction: 21-10 SF (-8.5 SF & Under 42.5)
Atlanta Falcons @ Los Angeles Rams
A nice “get right” game for the Rams after getting beat up by Buffalo. Can’t see the defending champs starting 0-2 at home. Will be interested to see how the Rams lineup Jalen Ramsey, who is coming off a rough Week 1. Do they line him up against Drake London or Kyle Pitts?
Prediction: 28-17 LA (-10 LA & Under 46.5)
Arizona Cardinals @ Las Vegas Raiders
The Cardinals got embarrassed at home against the Chiefs. Despite Kyler Murray being depleted of some of his biggest playmakers, he wins a shootout using his legs.
Prediction: 31-30 AZ (+3.5 AZ & Over 52)
Houston Texans @ Denver Broncos
Fresh off some homecoming boos, the Denver faithful will shower Wilson with plenty of cheers in their home opener. After being talked up as the most sure-thing rookie running back since Adrian Peterson, will Dameon Pierce get out-touched again by Rex Burkhead? Since 2003, when two winless teams play in Week 2, the underdog has gone 44-25-3 against the spread. Wilson gets his first win as a Bronco but in a tighter one than expected.
Prediction: 21-13 DEN (+10.5 HOU & Under 43)
Cincinnati Bengals @ Dallas Cowboys
Skip Bayless has already convinced himself that Cooper Rush is better than Dak Prescott. While that might be highly unlikely, we better hope that the latest Red Rocket can at least keep us entertained. The Cowboys have two 2 primetime games in the next 5 weeks and I doubt Dak makes it back by Week 6. Despite playing recklessly (4 interceptions), Joe Burrow showed his signature poise in his first game back after getting his appendix removed. If the Bengals can limit Micah Parsons' effectiveness, Burrow should be able to shake off the rust completely.
Prediction: 29-13 CIN (-7 CIN & Over 41.5)
Sunday Night
Chicago Bears @ Green Bay Packers
Am I delusional to think that the week after Christian Watson drops his first target that would’ve been an easy 75-yard touchdown, he somehow redeems himself on National TV? I can already hear Cris Collinsworth say, “Now here’s a guy from North Dakota State who popped on the NFL scene when coaches were reviewing Trey Lance’s tape and now he is catching passes from Aaron Rodgers.” What? You don’t hear that? Maybe try reading it over in Collinsworth’s “I just smoked a pack of Marlboros” voice. See, it’s more believable now.
Prediction: 31-10 GB (-9.5 GB & Under 41.5)
Monday Night
Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills
Pretty sure I meant to take the Bills here, but once the pen hits paper there is no turning back. We’ll just have to use some facts to justify this screw-up. When Derrick Henry rushes for less than 100 yards in a game the Titans are 31-31 as opposed to 21-3 (.875 winning %) when he goes over the century mark. Last year Henry ran for 143 yards and 3 TDs. The head coach of Tennessee, Mike Vrabel, has a career coaching record of 15-8 after a loss (including 8-2 the past two seasons). Look, the Bills are more talented but Monday Night Football can get weird especially this early in the season. Convince you yet?
Prediction: 31 - 20 TEN (+10 TEN & Over 50)
Minnesota Vikings @ Philadelphia Eagles
Back in Week 2 of 2004, the Eagles hosted the Vikings on Monday Night Football and won 27-16. The game featured the likes of Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens, Brian Westbrook, Brian Dawkins, Jevon Kearse for Philly, and Daunte Culpepper, Randy Moss, Nate Burleson, Antoine Winfield, Kevin Williams (a year before the Williams Wall w/ Pat) for Minnesota eh. With Justin Jefferson breaking Randy Moss’ Viking record of 2,726 receiving yards (the most Vikings player's first two seasons) and AJ Brown forcing his way to be traded, much like TO; I wonder if the ESPN broadcast will mention this. They say history tends to repeat itself, testing it out here...
Aaron Judge and Albert Pujols are racing on two separate tracks with the calendar month of September for baseball immortality. Aaron Judge’s 57 bombs this year now only trail Babe Ruth and Roger Maris for most in a single season in American League history. As you’ve heard me spew ad nauseam, this would be a huge moment for baseball - possibly the first legitimate player to break the 1961 record.
In the other league that used to have pitchers hit, Albert Pujols is 3 home runs shy of 700 career home runs. Pujols announced he would retire after the season when he rejoined the place where his career began in Saint Louis. The 42-year-old Cardinal legend entered the season needing to hit 21 home runs to reach the milestone and it frankly didn’t look like there was any chance he’d come close when by the end of July he had only slugged 7. Then he barreled 8 in August, followed by 3 so far in September making this milestone attainable.
YouTube Rabbithole
The Monday Night Football highlights of the previously mentioned Week 2 of ‘04. Moss vs Owens. McNabb vs Culpepper. Could do no wrong picking any of them in NFL Street.
Thanks for reading (or at least scrolling to the bottom). Subscribe for free to receive new posts, I’ll only spam you once a week.