Lately, I’ve seen a lot of men talking about women’s “body counts,” (the number of people she has slept with) and whether or not they should consider that before they date or marry her.
This hits me right in the feminist bone, on several levels.
I’m not sure, and haven’t been strongly compelled to figure out, which “brand” of feminism I qualify for. I hesitate to categorize myself, because I see far too much tribalism in feminists and I think that works against us in the long game.
But here are my thoughts.
The conversation surrounding this has been targeting the portion of the feminist movement called the “sexual revolution,” where women were seen to be liberated by no longer being confined to a single sexual partner. This part of feminism then led to the rise of birth control, abortion, and other things which had not been originally a part of the feminist movement.
It also led to the skyrocketing of pornography and the uninhibited commercial sexual commodification of women and the female form.
Obviously, a lot of these offshoots have caused problems for women, and therefore, problems for feminists as well.
They have also opened the door to the blaming of feminists for everything from rape culture to sexual promiscuity and abortion debates. The accusations that feminism is to blame for all that is wrong with society. The freer women get, the worse things become for everyone, they say.
For the sin of having left the marriage bed, women are now being hit (again) with that downright Biblical blame of Original Sin.
We talked to the snake, we ate the apple, and in our female naughtiness, we tempted and seduced Adam to take that juicy sinful bite as well.
In other words… it’s all women’s fault. Again.
If you are a feminist, you probably are plenty familiar with the concept of women being blamed for the actions of men. It’s kind of something we, as a group, try to point out.
And… here we go again!!
Look, I’m not saying the sexual revolution did only good or bad things for women or society. That’s honestly not the point. It’s not what we should focus on. The point is that the sexual revolution HAPPENED, and there’s no use debating it now. If there are issues that have been created because of it, we need to focus on how we, collectively and equally, can solve them.
With the sexual revolution, women went from being expected to “save themselves” for one, approved, appropriate sexual partner (while men were held to no such standard), to saying “I will use and enjoy my body however I want to.”
And, you know what? I agree with that.
For far too long, when it comes to sex, men have been considered to be the “gas,” and women to be the “brakes.” If something happens, it’s because the WOMAN allowed it. After all, men can’t possibly control themselves.
That’s not equal.
And, sexual revolution or not, that’s what we are seeing RIGHT HERE. In this discussion of how “worthy” a woman is, how valuable she is as a person or a partner, based upon the number of sexual partners she has had… we’re basically rating her based on her skills of “defense.”
Because MEN are still not held to this standard. Men are not rated in any pejorative way based on their number of sexual partners. The more conquests won, the better, for them. The fewer, he is also applauded. The “body count” standard doesn’t apply to him, in either direction.
Just as the concept of virginity is based on the idea that a penis entering a woman has the power to change her entire state of existence, we are taking this even further to say that every new penis changes her even MORE. That the quality of a female human being is devalued by number of times her vagina is used by males.
This is an entirely misogynistic and toxic idea.
A woman is a human being. As feminists, we fight for women to have equal bodily autonomy as men. And, that means women are free to make their own decisions of how to use our bodies, same as men. Those decisions have consequences and responsibilities for her, same as men. And ESPECIALLY in the sex act, men are as involved as women are. (Some would argue more so.)
So, why are women being held to this standard? Why are men not being judged by the same?
Because, back in the VERY RECENT times when women were CHATTEL, men needed to be able to claim any child that showed up in our bellies. Our job was to preserve their lineages. That was the whole selling point for having us handy dandy wifies. And, societally shaming women who dared to be sexual with more than a single man… that was the insurance policy.
The sexual revolution, in and of itself, was women trying to declare that this was no longer our “function,” and that we are allowed to enjoy sex and choose partners in a fashion equal with men.
And, yes, there were ways this went too far. But, in my opinion, that is also NOT the fault of women. In my eyes, it lies squarely on the shoulders of MEN who have STILL not let go of this idea of “damaged goods,” nor have they done anything to change their own actions in response to the women’s shift in sexual moral codes.
Men have refused to change their belief that a sexual woman is somehow made less sacred. Therefore, when women in general became more sexual, men devalued them, and took advantage. They decided, instead of shifting their thoughts and actions, to simply treat women as “cheap” in general.
MEN refused to have the self control, or higher mind, to change THEMSELVES.
So, they capitalized on us. They sold us, bought us, commodified us, and devalued us.
They opened up MORE ways for women to participate in their own exploitation, instead of doing their job to balance the polarity. To respect women. To install brakes next to their own gas pedals.
Very few women lost their breaks altogether, and there has been NO yielding to the judgement women have received. Women are still being judged by the men who have been between her legs. That’s not a judgement women wrote for one another. That’s all male.
It is misogyny that saw women expanding their sexual permissions and pounced on it like a cat.
It’s misogyny that decided to take advantage of it.
It’s misogyny that STILL defines how much a woman means by how many men have been permitted to enter her.
It’s misogyny that takes the women who are below a certain “value line” and exploits her for profit.
And, now, it is MISOGYNY that calls it a “body count,” and compares her to a serial killer.
Fuck that.
Do I think that promiscuity creates more opportunity for exploitation? Of course.
BUT, it is NOT on women’s shoulders to have all the responsibility and control. It is NOT on women’s shoulders to take all the blame and shame. It is NOT on women’s shoulders to change the tides.
Women have changed, many times, in regards to accepted sexual norms. And, no matter which culture you look at, whether the women are wrapped head to toe in fabric, or walking topless on the beach, MEN STILL SEXUALLY EXPLOIT THEM.
Women have changed, but men have not. And THAT’S the part of this equation that has them griping now.
The oenance has been put on women to control men’s sexual ethics for FAR too long, and this is just another shining example.
Men need to change THEIR side of the fence. Men need to change THEIR sexual proclivities, and admit that they fucking can. Men need to stop with the damn excuses.
You want more women who aren’t sleeping with a lot of men???
THEN DON’T FUCK SO MANY OF THEM.
Don’t buy porn. Don’t participate in the devaluing of women based on her sexual experiences. Don’t engage in this lie that penises have some magical ability to change a woman’s caliber of humanity.
You know, start treating women like actual equal human beings, sexually.
Take responsibility for YOURSELVES.
Treat women as being WORTH MORE IN GENERAL.
In other words, grow the hell up and install your own fucking brake pads.
Do that, and then tell me if the whole “body count” situation doesn’t just solve itself.
Lol another bitchy terf cunt who runs her mouth on twitter and wastes her time writing "articles" a handful of losers will read.
Still working on your next masterpiece of an article? Lol