When The Coffin Doesn’t Hold a Loved One, it is Just Wood.
So goes a Nigerian adage (paraphrased).
A few days back, I turned on my phone to see chats from an old acquaintance turned friend and client; let’s call her Firdaws. We had recently rekindled communication because she joined my online group fitness class and she’s always very generous and kind with her feedback. She’s very consistent and such good motivation that I habitually chat with her right after every class and of course, I often check on her if she’s missed any class. On this day, she had sent messages apologizing for missing class because she ‘just received news of a shocking death’. A close loved one passed away in flight on the way back from an international travel. I called her when she said it was ok to. She related to me how the deceased was traveling with her mum and another family member when she suddenly became breathless and died shortly after. Her mum recounted the painful event, how the deceased kept repeating that she was going to die as she was moved away for medical attention and how medics on board with the crew attempted to resuscitate her for 3hours. Firdaws told how it was especially painful seeing how news of the post was going around social media and we labeled it something like ‘the race to can’t wait to post it on social media’.
Shortly after my phone call with her, I saw a post on social media, written by a colleague who happened to be on the same flight and participated in resuscitating the deceased. In fairness to him, it was a respectful post, and there was no person identifier in the post. I was however rather uncomfortable about his submission that the deceased and her family ‘trivialized’ what the relations described as a ‘catarrh’ (a cold) the deceased had had for some days. He went on to warn Africans to be careful how they trivialize their medical symptoms. There was some talk and a comment suggesting how the airline may have lacked some basic equipment and personal protective equipment (PPEs) and another about how the death may have been due to covid.
If I didn’t have a connection to the deceased and her family, the post would have been just another well written one by an erudite colleague. I see myself as somebody who’s comfortable without external validation, I rather see them as a ‘nice to have’ not a must have, so don’t pay much attention to ‘what will people say’ but as I write this I’m careful about my choice of words especially to not treat my colleague’s post and submission as a piece of wood because it is not a coffin to me.
I’ve been on flights with medical emergencies where I helped with resuscitating the passenger/patient and one stood out for me. On this long flight, I was seated next to an elderly couple and I was to find out the wife is American and the husband Nigerian and she was visiting Africa for the first time. The wife developed a medical emergency during the flight, and sitting next to them, I was naturally the first of those to start resuscitating her. I recall the very worried husband, hovering around us and kept telling us ‘please do all you can for her, she’s my life’. If this blog was active then, I probably would have written about it then, but if it happened now, I suspect my choice of word would have been very different because for me now, coffins are not just wood.