I don't know what I am doing (but I am figuring it out)
On changing the name of this blog and letting things flow organically.
Sometimes I get fixated on things. This week was one of those times.
I decided to change the name of this very blog, and the reason is pretty simple. Initially, Never Been Perfect was conceived as a podcast. All my original planning, research, and construction was centered around the idea of using the spoken word to connect with readers who berated themselves just like I did while searching for the “perfect” self. It was by pure coincidence that I discovered Substack, and I slid into the app as a reader. Soon after (because I absolutely love to write and it has been a passion that I’ve denied myself) I started this blog and gave it the name of the would-be-podcast.
What I quickly discovered, as I gave myself license to write about the topics that lived the most rent-free in my mind, was the following: 1) not all name ideas are meant to be recycled, and 2) this blog was taking another life of its own; a life that differed from its initial role of deconstructing perfectionism. Not giving it a new name (or at least a temporary one) was bugging me. I also don’t want to box myself into a niche right away. Especially as I just started to write publicly.
If I gave you a mystery seed and told you to plant it in potted soil, every week you would be surprised as to how that plant grows. You would be thrilled as the leaves started to peek through the soil. That is the best way I can describe my experience while writing this blog, it is a tiny vulnerable plant with new leaves. In other words, I don’t know what I am doing.. but that’s okay and I hope you, reader, stay to witness how I figure it out.
Isabella realizing her powers are multifaceted in Encanto. I am Colombian-American & I love this movie. I also cry every single time I watch.
What I do know are the following facts: I think deeply about life, I love the arts, and I like helping others, hence my career change into occupational therapy. I have fought (and still fight) against imposter syndrome, toxic perfectionism, and anxiety, but I have simultaneously learned ways to cope, to create breakthroughs, and to heal in my adult life. I have bulldozed so many inner walls with more left to go and I want to talk about all those things.
I’ve chosen the temporary name Zen and Sensibility as an ode to the first practiced philosophy that helped to ease my troubled soul. I may keep it or I may change it as my words grow, and I am okay with that, I am giving my tense mind permission to shift as needed. If we wanted to get something 100% right of the bat, we simply wouldn’t create anything (facts). So if you are new here, I hope you stay. And if you have been following me for the past month or so, I hope you stay too. The more the merrier in this introspective and wild adventure we all call life.
As always, thanks for being here.
I love that you don’t have it all figured out but you are writing from your heart. Learn as you go!
So happy you are writing. I remember it always being your passion. The temporary name is perfect.